And What Have We Learned?

I have learned many things during my cancer treatment. I have learned much about myself and my family. I have learned about life. I have learned many things about the high quality and character of my friends and colleagues.

But there are many lessons that are difficult to discuss. There are things – important things – that are not, shall we say, ready for prime time. But these important facts should be known by everyone because statistics bear out the sad truth that everyone – everyone – will be, or will be close to, a cancer patient in their lifetime.

An Example:

Be kind to – take very good care of - your sphincter ani externus.
Why do I obfuscate in Latin? Those easily offended now have fair warning to move on. Those interested can easily Google it.

Take very very good care of your sphincter ani externus. Because regardless of what kind of cancer you have – leukemia, prostate, breast, bone, skin, liver… And regardless of what kind of treatment you get – chemo, radiation, alternative, herbal… Your sphincter ani externus will be affected.

Part of the difficulty of any treatment is managing the side effects. And almost all the side effects for any treatment have some negative impact on your sphincter ani externus. One day it might be too much, and the next few days, too little. Either way, proper respect and tender loving care must be paid. You don't want to be cured of cancer only to succumb to an e coli infection.

And they sure don’t tell you that in the brochure.

Another thing I have learned is that discussing the minutiae of your bodily workings with your spouse is a real buzzkill. I understand it is necessary. But you know what? Before she was my wife she was my girlfriend. And before that, she was the hot sixteen-year-old I lured to the drive-in.
So daily comprehensive discussion of my bodily fluids and fuctions… I mean, Man! Come on!

Yesterday I was frustrated with the graphic detail of my daily health report. So I decided to use my talent for spin. When Bonnie asked how I was doing down there, I replied I felt like the prettiest guy in the Gay Pride parade.

She laughed. And laughter, I have learned through all this, is the absolute best thing in the world.